Is It Too Much to Ask

"In this world, nothing can said to be certain but death and taxes" ... and celebrity news. We're confident that if celebrities had existed in the time of Benjamin Franklin he would've wisely added them to his small list of certainties. Have you ever woken up and not seen celebrity news stories on People.com, E! Online or Perez Hilton? In the event of a nuclear attack only celebrity news and cockroaches will remain. The stories may be boring, but their authors will bravely carry on.

Emphasis on boring. We mean really. WHAT has been going on lately? We know one thing for sure: we have been appalled by the absolute lack of interesting. In fact some of these stories just need to go away!

For instance, did Jon Gosselin cheat on Kate? Did Jon Gosselin not cheat on Kate? Raise your hand if you care. Now we know that tons of people watch this show, blah, blah, blah. But really this should not be on the cover of Us Weekly. It just shouldn't. We want to know what celebrities are doing. We don't care if regular people are having affairs. Sheesh.

Kirstie Alley's weight gain. Well thank God we know about that! A few years back Kirstie lost a bunch of weight. Now she's put it back on. Thrilling. That story got top story coverage on People.com. Stop it.

Breaking news: Bebe Neuwirth tied the knot. Woohoo! Name us five things she's appeared in. Just five. Why is this news?!?

Oh and GUESS WHAT? Michael Jackson owes someone money. Whoop di freaking doo. Who doesn't he owe money to these days?? The amount of times Neverland Ranch and all of his possessions have NEARLY been sold...it's ridiculous. We only care about MJ news if he's molesting young boys or dangling his baby off a balcony.

And for the love of all things holy, if we have to read ONE MORE THING about that stupid Miss California that Perez has a personal vendetta against, we will shoot ourselves in the foot. Honestly, who cares? She hates gay marriage, get over it. She's not Miss USA (or the less trashy counterpart Miss America) so what does it matter?

We're not asking for someone to die or get hurt. But is it too much to ask that these lame stories hit the bricks to make way for something, we don't know, interesting?