y News Roundup, today we bring you...Friday Celebrity News Round-House Kick to the Face! Chuck Norris Style!
1. Chuck Norris would like to announce his candidacy for President of Texas. No, really. He said, "I may run for president of Texas. That need may be a reality sooner than we think. If not me, someone someday may again be running for President of the Lone Star state, if the state of the union continues to turn into the enemy of the state." What does that even mean? We're afraid to ask because...
2. ...Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean. Yeesh. We do NOT want that to happen to us.
3. Josh Hartnett wants to assure as all that we don't need to worry about his health. Um, were we worried? Josh, who spent time at a hospital recently for gastrointestinal problems, insists there's "nothin
g to worry about" and he just didn't feel well after drinking the water in a couple of third world countries recently. We're not sure what to make of all this, but again, were we supposed to be worried? We remember hearing a snippet about this a week or so ago, but it didn't sound serious. Plus, although we loved Josh Hartnett in high school (remember The Faculty?) we haven't been so into him lately.4. Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.
5. NBC is producing it's very own version of the UK hit, I'm a Celebrity...Get Me Out of Here! Some of the potential "celebs" on the show include, Dog the Bounty Hunter, Rod Blagojevich (that governor who tried to sell Obama's senate seat) and... Spencer and Heidi. Oh dear God. This looks like the worst conglomeration of people ever. We hope that they're sent to the island from Lost. Then we'll never have to see them ever again. The only reason we might (we said might!) tune into this show is to watch Heidi and Spencer compete against each other. We have a feeling the fighting will be awesome.
6. When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axles, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.
7. Redmond O'Neal is not going to jail. Remember -- he's the son of a
ctors Farrah Fawcett and Ryan O'Neal and he's pretty much the druggiest drug addict this side of wrong. He's the one who's on probation, but felt the need to bring drugs onto jail property? He's a real winner. Instead of jail, they're sending him back to rehab... for the fourth time. Oh, and, the last time he was in rehab was earlier this month. He was kicked out because of, you guessed it, a dirty drug test. Nice.8. What was going through the minds of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
9. Who knew Eminem had a brother? Apparently Nathan Mathers is also a rapper who goes by the name Nathan Kane. Why is he in the news you ask? For driving drunk. The 23 year-old had a BAC twice the legal limit. Great family, great family.
10. Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
And finally, Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.
Have a good weekend.
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