Rolling In Their Graves

When we found out "they" (whoever they are) were planning to remake "My Fair Lady," we almost blew a gasket. There is really no other way to describe it except that our heads literally about exploded. It's a good thing for "they" that we don't know who "they" are because if we did... we'd most likely be in prison for murder right now. (Or we'd be on the lam -- we feel we'd make good criminals -- but we digress.)

You have to be some kind of ballsy moron to think recreating an iconic film is a good idea. Or even an okay idea. What is the problem? Do they feel Audrey Hepburn didn't quite do a good enough job the first go around, so they thought they'd give Keira Knightly a try? No offense to Keira, but are you for realing us? This is "MY FAIR LADY," not some random movie no one's ever heard of.

Then we realized something terrible -- we could name about 10 classic movies in 10 seconds that have relatively recently been remade. And we concluded: Hollywood is dead. Or at least officially out of ideas. When you're remaking Hitchcock movies (arrgggghhhh) creativity is O V E R.

Remaking Hitchcock classics? you ask. Whoever would do that? Well, you might remember back a few years to the Gwyneth Paltrow-Michael Douglas little-watched-flick "A Perfect Murder." That movie is a total rip off of "Dial M for Murder," one of Hitchcock's greatest pictures, starring none other than THE Grace Kelly. If that wasn't enough, one of Hitch's best known (if not THE best known) film, "Psycho," was also remade. Please. Don't try and tell us you could make them better than Hitch. And don't even try to tell us you were doing it as an homage to the director. Alfred is fine with the work he did... he doesn't need to see your piece of crap remake. Thanks.

Unfortunately, My Fair Lady isn't the only Audrey Hepburn classic that's been redone. Does anybody remember the Sabrina remake with Harrison Ford? Why? Why would they do this? Julia Ormond is CERTAINLY no Audrey Hepburn. She had to know going in that she'd never ever EVER be able to fill Hepburn's shoes. We'd hoped that the relative failure of this film would keep people from touching Audrey Hepburn's movies. But now that My Fair Lady is in the works, what's next? Breakfast at Tiffany's? Roman Holiday? Kill us. Kill us now. We already had to watch The Audrey Hepburn Story with Jennifer Love Fefferman (Hewitt, whatever) in the title role. PLEASE don't force us to suffer through someone else attempting to be as iconic as Audrey Hepburn.

Speaking of suffering, we've said this before and we'll say it again, who in their right minds decided it was a good idea to remake the Pink Panther? Peter Seller's Inspector Closseau SHOULD be untouchable. But no, let's take Steve Martin and have him portray an atrocious caricature of Closseau complete with an over the top accent and throw in Beyonce for shits and giggles. We're beginning to experience a rage blackout. HULK SMASH.

We're going to temporarily come out of the blackout to rant about "The Manchurian Candidate." This is an interesting one as I (Anna) have only seen the new one and Katie has only seen the old one. I remember that Angela Lansbury (who starred in the old one also starring Frank Sinatra) was super pissed when she heard they were going to remake it. Not knowing too much about the old one, I was like "Whoa there old lady." (No disrespect to Angela Lansbury, as she is, after all Mrs. Potts as well as Jessica Fletcher.) So I saw the new one (quite out of necessity, but that's neither here nor there) and, honestly, it wasn't that good. I'm not really all for movies that totally revolve around technology... it seems like taking the easy way out. Overall... it was just kind of a boring picture. And when Angela Lansbury (or anyone) is getting pissed that Meryl Streep is taking on their role, you know it means trouble's a comin.'

The Manchurian Canidate (the original) isn't one of my (Katie's) favorite movies. But when you have classic Hollywood stars like Frank Sinatra in a film, you just can't remake it. People will perpetually compare it to the original and it will more often than not come back wanting. Like my Nana says, "If it isn't broke, don't fix it."

And with Katie's nana's line, we will end, as that pretty much sums it up.