Some People Like Rocks, We Like Murder

If you haven't guessed yet, we like to procrastinate at work. So much so that we both spent a lot of time last week browsing through Wikipedia (once you start you just can't stop, you know what we're talking about). Our flavor of choice? Conspiracy theories, particularly those of the celebrity variety.

Now some conspiracy theories seem a little wacky to us. Landing on the moon was videotaped in a studio? Doubtful. Mozart was murdered? Um, don't think so. Jack the Ripper was a royal? Seems iffy.

But then again, some conspiracy theories do seem to have a grain of truth. Or at the very least involve suspicious situations.

Here are some of our favorite celebrity conspiracy theories:

Marilyn Monroe - One of our favorite actresses, (who hasn't seen "Some Like it Hot" or "Gentleman Prefer Blondes"?) Marilyn Monroe died in 1962 of a 'probable suicide.' But many people including the first police officer to arrive on scene, Jack Clemmons, believe she was murdered. Coroner Thomas Noguchi ruled her death caused by 'acute barbiturate poisoning' from various pills she had taken. Some of the shadier aspects of this case include housekeeper Eugene Murray's behavior, phone records of Marilyn's calls that night being lost, and her connection to the Kennedy brothers. We never liked the idea of Monroe killing herself, so the idea that the FBI/CIA covered up a murder doesn't seem so far-fetched to us.

Natalie Wood - The star of such films as "Love With a Proper Stranger" and "Rebel Without a Cause" died in 1981 at the age of 43 from drowning. Natalie, who had spent the evening on a yacht with husband Robert Wagner and actor Christopher Walken, apparently accidentally slipped and fell overboard. Witnesses report hearing cries for help around midnight that lasted for about fifteen minutes. They also report hearing a male voice say, "Take it easy. We'll be over to get you" in a laid back tone. Oddly enough, Thomas Noguchi was ALSO the coroner for Wood, fiiiishy. He ruled Natalie's death an accidental drowning brought on by intoxication. Now, we're aware that people die from accidentally drowning every day. However, we cannot seem to reconcile the witness reports of hearing cries for FIFTEEN MINUTES with the coroner's report of accidental death. Could no one make it to her and save her in fifteen minutes. Clouding the story with even more suspicion is that the coroner also reported, "There were marks and bruises on her body which could have been received as a result of her fall." Uh, or marks and bruises on her body which could have been received as the result of being murdered.

Paul Is Dead - This one's a little kooky. Apparently there are people out there who believe the original Paul McCartney died in 1966 and was replaced by a look-alike. They base their conclusions on "clues" the Beatles left on many of their albums. Here's an example from Wikipedia: "A funeral procession was held days later, as was supposedly implied on the Abbey Road album cover by the Beatles' clothing. (John Lennon dressed all in white, like a clergyman. Ringo Starr wore a black suit as an undertaker would. Paul McCartney wore a suit without shoes, a common custom for corpses being buried, and walked out of step with the other Beatles. George Harrison's denim outfit resembled that of a gravedigger.)" Okaaaay. We think people are reading a little too much into an album cover. Although Katie has to admit, she's heard the 'I buried Paul' when Strawberry Fields Forever is played backward and it's super creepy. So maybe there's something to this theory...

Kurt Cobain - Having been about 9 years old at the time of Kurt's death, and having never really been part of the grunge scene, we had little knowledge about this one. What we found would be enough to fill it's own blog post. There are questions about EVERYTHING concerning Kurt's "suicide": discrepancies in the police report, the nature of the shotgun blast, the lack of blood found on his body, his drug addiction, his previous suicide attempts. We mean, Good Lord. There really isn't room here to write it all. Suffice it to say, there are endless websites devoted to the theory that Kurt was murdered, and people want his case reopened. No lie.

Princess Di - Perhaps the most widely known and controversial conspiracy theory is that of Princess Diana's death. As most people over the age of 15 who are alive and don't make their homes under rocks are aware, the former Princess of Wales died in a car accident in Paris in August of 1997. It was a tragic accident found later to be the result of an intoxicated driver, paparazzi overload and the lack of seat belts worn by Di and her boyfriend (who also died) Dodi Al-Fayed. However, Al-Fayed's father accused the British royal family, specifically Prince Philip, of conspiracy to murder Diana and Dodi. He alleged that rogue elements in the British secret service decided that Diana was a threat to the throne, and therefore the stability of the state, so they murder her. After the inquest into Diana's death found that she died as a result of "grossly negligent driving of chauffeur Henri Paul and press photographers," Dodi's father said he would give up his crusade for the sake of Diana's children, although he never said he believed it was just a tragic accident. We're not sure what to think here. We'd like to think it was just an accident, but who KNOWS what goes on in governments? There's always that seed of doubt.

So whether these deaths were suicides, tragic accidents or murders, the truth is, they will always be clouded in mystery. And perpetuating this are the endless supply of specials and documentaries dedicated to these celebs and their strange demises. And maybe, just maybe, we're all a little fascinated by murder. We know we are. We love murder and we love mysteries, so we doubly love murder mysteries! And, in the words of Alfred Hitchcock, “Television has brought back murder into the home - where it belongs.”